Struggling to Pretend
by thewritestuff247
Summary: Another story in my Danny/Baez 'Pretending' series. Danny and Baez try to get on with their lives as normal but life/the universe puts them in yet another difficult situation. As always I DO NOT OWN BLUE BLOODS.
1. Struggling to Pretend

**Struggling to Pretend**

"So who are we notifying?" Danny asked as he turned off the car and took the keys out of the ignition. Baez checked her notepad as they climbed out of the car.

"The victim lived with his brother and his brothers family." Baez told him as they crossed the sleepy cul-de-sac. They climbed the three steps to the front door and Danny knocked. To their surprise the door slowly swung open. They glanced at each other and both unholstered their guns. They stepped though the door and began to look around. Danny and Baez went room to room clearing each as they went. Finding no one on the ground level Danny checked upstairs. After a few minutes he returned downstairs and put his gun back its holster.

"Nothing." He told her as they met up in the hall.

"Nothing out of place, no signs of a struggle." She noticed as they wandered back through the house. As they walked back to the kitchen Danny stopped midway down the hall. He looked at the door he had just passed and noticed light coming from underneath it. He and Baez shared another look and took out their guns. Baez turned the handle and slowly opened the door, she saw a set of steps descending down into a well lit room.

"Basement." She commented.

"Great." Danny groaned as he followed her down the stairs. When they reached the bottom they found themselves in a home laboratory. There was all sorts of scientific equipment on a large table in the middle of the room. Danny scanned the table and saw beakers, vials, microscope slides, test tubes and bottles of chemicals. As he looked past the desk he saw, against the far wall, a glass front fridge which he could see contained even more test tubes and microscope slides.

"Don't touch anything." He warned Baez as he watched her walk around the desk.

"Over here." She called out as she crouched down. He rounded the desk to find her crouched over the body of a middle aged man. She placed her fingers on his neck and waited. After several seconds she looked up at Danny and shook her head.

"He's gone." She told him. Danny sighed and went to reach for his phone, before he could get it out of his pocket it started ringing.

"Reagan." He answered it.

"I want you to hold up on that notification." His captain told him.

"Why?" He asked as Baez continued to carefully look around the room.

"The crime lab tested the stuff you found in the victims backpack. It's not drugs, it's anthrax." His heart sunk at his captains words.

"We gotta get out of here, captain says the stuff in the vics backpack was anthrax." He called over to Baez. She didn't move, just lifted her head to look at him. When their eyes met he saw hers were wide with fear.

"Danny." She said looking back down at the floor. He rounded the table to where she was standing and looked down. On the floor lay a broken vial and spilling out of it was a fine, white powder.

* * *

They stood in the front room and watched out the window as people set up decontamination tents and bio containment equipment while officers cordoned off the street and kept the neighbours back. They glanced at each other as the seriousness of the situation began to sink in. They looked back out the window to see people donning HAZMAT suits and heading towards the house. Moments later a man in a HAZMAT suit entered the front room and walked over to them.

"Detectives, we're ready for you. Please place all your belongings, including jewellery into these bags, then we can head over to the decontamination shower." He requested and handed Danny and Baez each a plastic bag. They placed their guns, holsters, badges, phones, wallets, and keys and into the bags. Baez took off her necklace and placed that in and Danny did the same for his wedding ring. They handed the man the bags and followed him out of the house. When they stepped outside they found themselves in a plastic tunnel. They walked down the tunnel and the man held back a flap opening the tent. He ushered them through to a tent that contained two plastic covered benches and was divided down the middle by a screen.

"Please take of all your clothes and place them on the benches." He instructed them.

"Once your naked you can walk through to the next tent for your shower." He pointed to another set of flaps at the far end of the tent. The detectives nodded and each walked over to one of the benches.

Danny sighed as he slipped his jacket off his shoulders, he placed it on the bench and loosened his tie. He lifted it over his head and put it on top of his jacket. As he took of his shoes he heard Baez sigh and tried not to think about the fact she was presently getting undressed on the other side of the screen.

Baez took off her shoes and put them on top of her pile of clothes. She took a breath and started unbuttoning her blouse. As she undid the last button she heard the rustling of the flaps to the shower and became suddenly aware that just a few feet away Danny was naked.

Danny entered the next tent to find it similar to the last one. On either side was a shower and it was divided by a white plastic curtain. He walked over to one side and stood under the shower. The water came on and he gasped as he felt the cold water hit his skin. He picked up the antimicrobial soap from a ledge under the shower head and began to wash his body. As he ran the soap down one arm he heard the other shower come on and couldn't help but grin when he heard Baez gasp just like he had.

As he rubbed the soap over his abdomen he heard a unusual sound behind him and without thinking turned around. Upon turning he discovered the sound he had heard was the plastic curtain dividing the room falling down on one side and hitting the ground with a thwack. He looked up from the fallen curtain and swallowed hard as he caught sight of Baez's naked body. She too had spun around at the sound and they were now face to face with no curtain to block their view. He knew he should look away but found himself paralysed, unable to tear his eyes away from her. Baez eyes widened as she took in Danny's body, her eyes not responding to her brains command to look away. Danny was transfixed watching rivulets of water running over the curves of her body. Her eyes wandered down and she blushed as she noticed a certain part of his anatomy visibly react to the sight of her. They stood this way, frozen, unable to take their eyes off each other until the sound of a car door slamming just outside the tent made them jump.

The both quickly turned around and hurriedly finished their showers. Danny left the shower tent and began to dry off. He heard the rustle of the flap as Baez did the same on the other side of yet another screen. He put down his towel and picked up the boiler suit he had been provided. He unzipped it, stepped in, pulled it up, slipped his arms in, pulled it over his shoulders and zipped it closed. He exited the final tent and was escorted to a waiting car. He climbed in followed moments later by Baez, they studiously avoided eye contact as the man from earlier, no longer wearing a HAZMAT suit, climbed in the drivers seat and they headed off to the hospital.

* * *

Once at the hospital they were taken to a bay in the ER. A nurse came and drew blood from both detectives and tested all their vitals. After the nurse was finished their captain came to talk to them and filled them in on what had been discovered about the two dead brothers. When the captain left she drew the curtain around the bed and Danny and Baez were left alone to wait for the results of their blood tests. Both were too antsy to sit so they stood, Baez standing near the head and Danny by the foot of the bed on the same side. They were silent both thinking about all they had been told in the last hour.

"Inhalation anthrax." Danny said aloud the phrase that was going around and around in his head. Their captain had told them that's what the man they found in the basement had died from and what they might be infected with.

"Fever, shortness of breath, cough, fatigue, and chills." Danny could hear the anxiety in Baez's voice as she repeated the list of symptoms the nurse told them to look out for. He looked up and over at her and could see the worry and anguish etched on her face. He sighed in frustration at his inability to do anything about their situation, he thought for a moment then decided to try and do the one thing could; reassure her.

* * *

Jamie, who had been at the hospital for hours waiting for his suspect to get treated, had heard about what happened to Danny and Baez. He had walked to the other end of the ER and was about to pull back the curtain when something made him stop. He could see through a small gap in the curtain and noticed the way Danny and Baez were looking at each other. He felt compelled to stop and watch the scene playing out behind the curtain.

* * *

Danny walked the few steps over to her, reached out and gently placed the back of his hand on her forehead.

"You don't feel hot to m…" The word caught in his throat as her eyes flicked up and met his. He heart started to race and and he got lost in her big, expressive brown eyes as they stared back at him. Her breathing sped up as his hand moved slowly down caressing the side of her face. It felt to them as if the world stopped and they were the only two people in it. Baez felt Danny's hand brush her jaw and saw him slowly leaning in, she slowly closed her eyes and seconds later she felt Danny's lips press against hers. The kiss immediately felt different. Their previous kisses had been hungry and full of lust. This one, she felt as she kissed him back, was sweet, gentle and loving.

Jamie stood in complete shock, barely able to believe what he was seeing. Knowing he had to do something he quickly made exaggerated walking noises with his feet. He saw Danny and Baez jump apart in surprise, he waited a few extra seconds then pulled the curtain back.

"Hi." He greeted Danny acting as though nothing was wrong.

"Hey." Danny replied.

"I heard what happened, are you guys okay?" Jamie asked.

"We don't know yet." Danny told him.

"We're waiting on the results of our blood tests." Baez added. Jamie nodded and looked back and forth between the two, he could see how uncomfortable they were and had an idea how he could help.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" He asked Danny.

"Yes." He confirmed gratefully.

Danny and Jamie walked two long corridors in silence, when they turned yet another corner they finally found themselves alone.

"Okay, what the hell was that?!" Jamie exclaimed.

"What?" Danny asked surprised.

"I saw you, Danny. I saw you two kissing." Jamie said the last word in a whisper and watched Danny's eyes widen.

"You saw that."

"Yeah, the curtain wasn't closed all the way." He informed him.

"I don't know what happened." Danny said sadly as he sunk into a seat against the wall. Jamie sat beside him and just waited.

"I was just trying reassure her and then she looked at me and…" He trailed off unable to explain. Jamie looked at his brother finally realising how serious the problem was. He felt bad about how he had handled things when they talked about it several weeks ago.

"I'm sorry." He told Danny.

"For what?"

"When we talked at Dad's, you tried to tell me it was serious and I just laughed, I'm sorry." Jamie explained.

"It's ok, I was hoping you were right, that it would just go away but it won't. Most of the time I can handle it, I just bury it, fight it. It's just if we get really close or touch, something happens and it's like I have no control, no willpower." Danny sighed and hung his head.

"How many times?" Jamie asked and Danny glanced up.

"How many times have you kissed?" He asked, again whispering the last word.

"Four." Danny admitted.

"Four!" Jamie exclaimed.

"Three and the one you just saw. Two were undercover though." He added trying to redeem himself. Jamie shook his head, he glanced over at Danny and knew he had to ask.

"Do you…love her?"

"I…I don't know." Danny answered, unable to admit to Jamie something he could not admit to himself.

"Having an attractive female partner can be difficult." Jamie empathised.

"Tell me about it." Danny groaned.

"Have you thought about changing partners?"

"I can't." Danny stated.

"Why?"

"Our captain's got a thing about changing partners, she really doesn't like doing it. Especially partners like us who work so well together." Danny explained.

"And Baez is the only one who'll put up with you." Jaime teased grinning.

"Yeah." Danny agreed managing a small smile.

"And I'd have to come up really good reason for the paperwork and Linda…" Danny trailed off.

"And you can't think of one?" Jamie guessed.

"Nope." Danny confirmed with a sigh.

"Besides, that would only solve half my problem. I'd still be a married man with feelings for someone else." Danny pointed out sadly. Jamie felt for Danny, he hadn't meant for any of this to happen, he sat there wishing there was something he could do.

"So what are you going to do?" He finally asked.

"What I've been doing I guess. Keep fighting it and definitely keep my distance." Danny told him and Jamie nodded.

"Well, I'm here if you ever want to talk." Jamie assured him.

"Thanks." Danny said as he leaned back in his chair and rested his head against the wall.

"It's not your fault, you know." Jamie felt compelled to add and Danny lifted his head and looked at him.

"You work beside someone everyday, spend all that time together, sometimes feelings develop. It's no one's fault." He explained, talking as much about himself as Danny. Danny just nodded and put his head back against the wall.

"Speaking of attractive female partners, we should both get back to ours." Jamie added.

"Yup. Back to pretending."


	2. Epilogue

_Authors Note: This came to me after I posted the story and I felt it was a great way to end the story so I added it._

* * *

 **Epilogue**

As Baez walked down the hall to her apartment she fished inside the plastic bag of her possessions for her keys. She reached her door, keys in hand, unlocked the door and let herself in. She locked the door behind her and turned on the lights as she walked through her apartment. When she reached her bedroom she dropped the bag on her bed and headed over to her dresser. On her way over she passed the mirror and caught sight of herself in the grey sweatpants and sweatshirt the hospital had provided her after she and Danny tested negative for anthrax. She stared at herself for a moment before continuing over to the dresser. From one drawer she pulled out some underwear, from another a pair of pyjama bottoms and finally from the middle drawer she pulled a t shirt. She walked back over to the bed and placed the clothes on it. She kicked off the shoes she had been provided and grabbed the bottom of her sweatshirt. As she went to lift it over her head she caught a whiff of the anti microbial soap she had used earlier. She stopped as images of the days events flashed through her mind. She dropped the hem of the sweatshirt, turned on her heal and walked over to the bathroom. She walked in and turned on the shower, then pealed off the sweatshirt and pants and dropped them in the hamper. She crossed the room and tested the water with her hand before stepping into the shower. She let out a contented sigh as she stood still letting the hot water run over her body. After a few minutes she reached out and picked up a bottle of shampoo, she opened it and squirted some onto her hand. She placed the bottle back and as she began to massage her scalp she closed her eyes.

Her mind immediately transported her to the decontamination shower and she found herself yet again face to face with a very naked Danny. She stared as she had earlier, taking in every inch of his body. As she stared the Danny in her mind began to move. Her breathing and heart rate increased as he walked over, slowly closing the gap between them. They were less than a foot apart when he lifted his arms and reached out to touch her.

Her eyes flicked open and she was back, alone in the shower in her apartment. She sighed as she rinsed the last of the shampoo from her hair. She grabbed a bottle of body wash and poured some into the palm of her hand, as she began to wash her body she let her eyes close again. The fantasy picked up where it left off, she kept her eyes closed, sighing as she let it play out in her head.

* * *

As Danny sat in his father's living room surrounded by Linda, Sean, Jack, his father and his grandfather, he could not concentrate on the conversation happening around him. Frustrated, he got up, left the room, walked through the foyer and through to the kitchen. He crossed the kitchen and opened one of the cupboards on the wall to the left of the sink. As he reached in and picked up a mug he could smell the distinctive chemical smell of the anti microbial soap on his arm and paused. The smell caused his mind to recall images from earlier in the day. He sighed, placed the mug back on the shelf and closed the cupboard. He turned around, walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs. Once upstairs he walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower and began to undress. He took off the t shirt, jeans and briefs he had changed into less than an hour before and placed them in a tidy pile next to the hand basin. He walked over, tested the water, then stepped into the shower. He stood for several minutes, leaning one hand on the glass letting the water flow over him, he then turned around and put his face under the water. As soon as he closed his eyes the image of Baez standing naked before him filled his mind. He stepped back and opened eyes then reached for a bottle of body wash. He upended the bottle and squeezed a generous amount into his hand. He covered himself in body wash and rubbed it over himself vigorously, hoping that ridding himself of the smell might go someway to ridding himself of the images swirling through his head. As soon as he stood back under the water to rinse he knew the only thing that had left him was the smell. He sighed as he reached for the shampoo, he squirted a small amount on to his hand and placed it back. As he spread the shampoo through his hair, he closed his eyes and gave in. The moment he did his mind was instantly flooded by images and thoughts of her.


End file.
